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Ok, so you ask for a play? No? Didn't think so. But, you're
gonna get one. And guys, this one's for serious. For all the marbles if you understand metaphors. Everything I've learned
in the past 12 years is in this play. (Three of the years were duds. Don't ask.) So. Here it goes. My HEART is in this play.
NO KIDDING! AND GET OFF THE DOG! Voila:
Scene 1: The House.
Elliot Erit (the six year old brother of Phil. He's
coming up now.) enters the house. Walks up to the dog. Licks him. The dog does. I mean, like, the dog licks him. He doesn't
lick the dog. That's gross. Pervert. Anyway, then Phil (not to be confused with Philip, his twin brother. He comes in later.
Don't worry about it.) walks into the room and sees Elliot and the dog licking. Like the dog. Is licking Elliot. Pervert.
Phil:
Hey Elliot. Guess what. You won't be able to. Because what I want to tell you is written on this peice of paper.
Phil
laughs menacingly because he knows that his little brother Elliot can't read. Elliot gives him a dirty look and runs out of
the room crying. He walks back into the room with his mom, wiping his tears. He is. His mom's not. Wiping the tears,
that is.
Mother: Phil don't make fun of your brothers disestablishment! (His mom's not the brightest sunflower in the
flower basket, if you understand similes.) Tell him what the surprise is!
Phil: I got tickets to the Four Silver Crazy
concert! And you get to come! It'll be me, you and Philip! Sweet, right?
Elliot: Four Silver Crazy's music is s***!
Phil:
MOM!
Mother: ELLIOT!
Dog: Ruff!
Elliot: Sorry mom! It... uhh... slipped out!
Mother: GO TO YOUR
ROOM ELLIOT! I DONT WANT TO SEE YOUR DIRTY, UGLY MOUTH UNTIL.... AT LEAST FOUR O'CLOCK!
Elliot leaves the room, embarrased.
Mother looks at Phil, disturbed.
Mother (whispering): Where might your brother have heard that word? Answer me right
now mister!
Phil: MOM! (Lowering his voice after he realizes he's shouting... yet his mom is whispering... awkward
moment.) I don't know! I don't watch him day in and day out 24/7 all the time, monitoring his every move!
Mother: And
why not?
Phil: What? Mom, you're freaking out! That's ridiculous!
Mother: I don't think so! Look, I don't need
contacts to hear what you're brother just said! (Once again, not the sharpest point on the thornbush.) If you don't find out
where your brother heard that awful word, you can't go to the concert. Do I make myself clear?
Phil: Oh my gosh! Are
you kidding me? You can't take my tickets!
Mother: Oh, I will!
Mother grabs the tickets out of Phil's hand and
storms off into the other room. Phil stands dazed and confused in the middle of the living room. Mother is angry. Phil is
dazed. Elliot is embarrased. Philip is in his room playing Nintendo, unaware of all of this. Dog is sleepy.
End of
Scene 1.
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